Megan Fox’s NYT outtakes courtesy

I’d really like to hope that this is not really the way Angelina feels about Megan. What I want to believe is that either Angelina is like “Megan who now?” or that Angelina’s like “I’ll shank that sk-nky little poseur if she comes near me.” As much as the media seems to want to make the Angelina-Megan thing a competition, or that Megan is “replacing” the 34-year-old Jolie, I don’t really think that’s their dynamic. I think Megan stalks (”the comparison is the bane of my existence” she says), and Angelina is aware, but doesn’t really love or hate Megan. Certainly, Angelina wouldn’t care enough to give advice to Megan. Just my take.

Transformers starlet Megan Fox, 23, has unabashedly talked up her lesbian trysts, wild temper and self-cutting. But Angelina Jolie has some advice for her young doppelganger: Shut your mouth.

According to a Jolie source, “Angie has been saying, ‘That woman acts like a fool. She needs to mind her Ps and Qs. She’s saying shocking things for attention, but those things will follow her around and be reprinted forever.’”

Jolie, of course, speaks from experience, the pal adds: “Angie said, ‘I wish someone had pulled me aside when I was young and told me that. Now I’ll forever be known as a lesbian or a self-cutter, instead of what I worked so hard to become. You have to put a muzzle on it!’”

Nicole Kidman acts odd

The Huffington Post has a poll up about Nicole’s lips, and they have a series of close-ups of Kidman’s lips throughout the years to compare and contrast. Once you look at them, it does become obvious just how “plumped” she’s getting those puppies.



Us Weekly piled on too, pulling Nicole’s old quotes about how she’s all-natural: “I am completely natural. I have nothing in my face or anything.” Us Weekly then quotes Dr. Martin Braun, a Canadian Botox doctor, who claims that Nicole is so “over-Botoxed…frozen and strange” that she looks like a bat. Seriously.



Just when everybody gets on the bandwagon about how rough Nicole’s Botox-injections-surgery stuff looks, that’s just when I start feeling badly for her. I used to think she was totally crazy to mess with her beautiful face, and I hated her a little for how waxy and unmoving her face had become. Now that everyone’s picked up on it, I think people should give her a break. She fears the reaper, y’all. And having that frozen face is punishment enough.



Everyone was talking about Nicole Kidman at the Country Music Awards in Nashville. “She looked freakish,” said one witness. “She just had her lips done, and now she looks like Meg Ryan.” The Aussie actress didn’t want to be interrogated on the red carpet and fled, leaving behind her perplexed husband, Keith Urban. “She just flipped out and took off running,” said our source. “Keith kept saying, ‘Where is she? Where is she?’ ” Kidman’s reps had no comment.

Michael Lohan tried to sell Lindsay recordings for $100,000

You have to watch the video and see and hear Michael to really understand why it’s absolutely necessary I punch him in the face. Normally I go with something a little more vague and gentle, like “I wanna kick him in the ear,” or “I’d like to step on his stomach.” But whenever I do that I’m always thinking how I’d really love punch that person in the face. And with Michael Lohan, I’ve just got to say it. He needs to be punched. A lot. I’ll give the requisite disclaimer that you shouldn’t. But oh my God would I understand it. Just saying.

If that all weren’t enough, Michael also says that God is taking Lindsay’s career away from her. You remember that part of the Bible, where God is talking to that douchebaggy guy and is all, “Thou shouldn’t snort things up thou’s nose. And if thou doest, I shall smite you with straight-to-DVD film roles.” (That was a little bit of old school God and a little bit of Shakespeare).

After the first tape was released, Lindsay tweeted that her father was a “loser.” On her Twitter site yesterday, in an apparent reference to her mom, LiLo tweeted, “She blames herself for staying w/him for so long, I’d beg her not to leave b/c he always threatened to kill her if she did.”

But Michael told The Post’s Rita Delfiner, “That’s a lie. I guess Lindsay is on more drugs than I thought to say something like that. Now I’m going to release more recordings that prove everything she is saying is nothing more than a bunch of lies.

“No wonder why God is taking her entire career away from her,” Michael continued. “Because she’s forsaken everything He’s given her and she’s done nothing but misuse all the gifts she’s given.”

Oh the sanctimony. It is perfectly God-like and Christian to escalate things in a childish war of retaliation with your own daughter. But if she says things about you that you don’t like (and which may well be true), then God’s taking her career away.

You just know this isn’t going to end well. “Well” would be Lindsay going into rehab. And Michael falling down an elevator shaft or something. But the way this drama is escalating, it feels inevitable that pretty soon we reach the climax. I think everyone can see it but the Lohans.

Jessica Simpson calls Melrose ‘crap’

I could go off about how dumb and naïve Jessica is, but frankly I like that she’s unconditionally supportive of her sister. It’s nice when your family loves you so much that you can do no wrong. Well, to an extent. But Ashlee’s bad acting definitely falls under the family umbrella. They all probably think she’s amazing and super talented, and I think that’s sweet.

All that said, getting kicked off “Melrose” supposedly hasn’t taught Ashlee any lessons about her acting skills.

Us Weekly mentioned that she doesn’t want to return to singing, that she’s been spending most of her time going over scripts, and that “‘acting is her focus now.’”

God save us all. I was only able to sit through the show a time or two, but watching Ashlee’s scenes was excruciating. She was so bad it actually made me feel awkward and uncomfortable, and I had to stop watching.

If she’s really got her little heart set on acting, I’d say she should probably set her feet in motion towards a good acting class. Or seven.

In case you’re interested, here are some priceless pics of Jess at Halloween. Maybe it’s me, but it looks like her left boob is trying to go drastically different places from her right one.

Megan Fox is beginning her promotional tour in Europe for Jennifer’s Body

Jesus. Has anyone told this girl, “Before you answer a question, just stop and think about the words you are about to say. Just think about what it sounds like.” Because this sounds like Megan wants to teach little girls how to act sexy. No, thanks, Megan. You’re not Miley Cyrus! Besides that, I think the reason Megan thinks “sexiness” is power is because that’s all she’s got. Just FYI, to all young girls out there - intelligence, education, self-respect, grace, humor, talent, compassion and humility are also pretty powerful weapons in the arsenal of modern womanhood too.

In this interview, Megan loses the graciousness she had at the Scream Awards, and instead snots out this gem: “This is a bull—- industry and I made a decision not to be a bull—- person. I need to hold onto my soul and my integrity and I can’t compromise that.” Right. Because whenever I hear the word “integrity”, Megan’s face always floats up.

Earlier this year, her comments to a magazine journalist that Michael Bay, who directed her in the two Transformers movies, is “like Hitler” on his sets prompted an angry response from three crew members who called her “dumb as a rock”, before going on to dismiss her as “thankless, classless, graceless [and] unfriendly”.

Fox shrugs off the criticism, when I meet her in Toronto – where her new movie, the demonic-possession horror-comedy Jennifer’s Body is getting its world premiere. “I’ve definitely said some things that I shouldn’t say,” she admits. “I sometimes forget how things will translate once they are in print. But this is a bull—- industry and I made a decision not to be a bull—- person. I need to hold onto my soul and my integrity and I can’t compromise that.”

“It was a difficult movie to make because I was under a lot of pressure to do Diablo’s script justice,” says Fox, “so I was nervous about that. I was always questioning myself and trying to bring some real elements to Jennifer. I wanted people to feel empathy for her; I wanted her to be a real person, and not a caricature, like some of the characters I may have played in the past.”

Asked what she makes of the “Sexiest Woman in the World” label, Fox laughs. “I don’t take any notice of those polls. I take it with a grain of salt. I think that because I was in a movie [Transformers] that made $800 million, they threw me on the top of the list.” But what about her remark to Esquire that “I’m just really confident sexually and I think that sort of oozes out of my pores?”

She sighs. “Sometimes I say things that I think are obviously sarcastic and people take them quite literally. In America we’re still very uptight about sexuality: it’s considered scandalous for women to be sexual or speak about sex in a humorous way,” she says.

“For some reason it makes people very uncomfortable, possibly because our society is still very tied to archaic biblical principles that we try to force on each other and force on our children. It’s very unfortunate because men are embraced for their sexual prowess and women discouraged from it.”

“In Europe, women are celebrated for their sexuality and appreciated for it. There you can still be both sexy and intelligent. Go figure.”

While another actress might bemoan the fact that being named the sexiest woman alive would hinder her goal of becoming “A Serious Actress”, Fox says: “I didn’t decide I’m going to be an actress because I want to be respected for how I play chess. I don’t think men approach me for intellectual conversation. I’m definitely labelled in the pin-up category and I haven’t given people a reason to take my work seriously yet.”

In the past, Fox has been outspoken about being bisexual and having had an affair with a stripper while in her teens. But, for the past five years, she has been in a monogamous relationship with actor Brian Austin Green, who is 13 years her senior.

When discussing Green, Fox suddenly, unexpectedly, begins to cry; then she dabs her eyes with a tissue, smiles and apologises. “Man, I just get emotional,” she says. You don’t come across a lot of genuine people in this industry and I feel blessed to have someone who will stick around through my bull—-”

“I just really want it at some point to be OK for women and young girls to be sexy because I think that’s a power, a gift that we were given by God or the universe or whatever,” she says. “I think I’m a different kind of role model for young girls.” She thinks for a minute and adds with a smile: “But maybe not the kind America is comfortable with.”

Britney Spears has cleaned up her act

Damn, I could use some corn chips right now. Is it wrong that I want corn chips for breakfast? It is, isn’t it? Before, I could always look at my food choices with some smugness, thinking to myself “Well, at least I’m eating better than Britney Spears.” No more! She does look really cute these days. Let’s hope that Britney didn’t just quit junk food, she quit the pink wig and all that it represents.

Britney Spears has cleaned up her act. GK Reid, who recently styled the music video shoot for her hit new single, “3,” tells us, “She exhibited amazing energy and was in great shape — her body looked better than it has in years.”

“She munched on sushi instead of junk food, and even sang live with the words. She worked really hard and was really sweet to all the dancers.”

Says Reid of the video, which is an ode to threesomes: “It’s really steamy.”

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Lindsay Lohan showed up in court today with her lawyer

Here's Lindsay Lohan appearing in court today after it was revealed she failed to complete the alcohol education classes required for her probation. She almost reminds me of Lara Flynn Boyle on The Practice if Lara Flynn Boyle bathed in coke and had the acting skills of a tit mouse.



I'm only kidding, Lindsay. Arching your eyebrow totally has everyone convinced you're paying attention and not at all thinking about delicious gin.



Lindsay Lohan has a shockingly long history of deciding that the laws don’t apply to her. From stealing cars and running over people’s feet, to stealing jewelry and clothing, to racking up multiple DUIs, there’s little Lohan hasn’t done. I don’t think she’s actually killed anyone yet, but given her moral character, I’d wager it’ll happen in the next ten years. Not only do laws not apply to Lohan, but the consequences obviously don’t either.




This morning she was due in court to explain why she’s violated the terms of her 2007 DUI probation by refusing to complete her alcohol education class. Keep in mind, Lindsay’s choice was to take the class or go to jail. She’s had two years. You’d think even a lazy ass like her could pull it together. But why bother when the rules don’t apply to her? TMZ has a summary of what went down at the trial, and needless to say, justice was neither certain nor swift.